What Would Emily Post Say?

Now, we all know I am nowhere close to being married, however, I have been to my share of weddings and am a fairly observant person and thus have picked up a lot about wedding etiquette. One of the most universal things that I have learned is this: it is most polite (and generally expected) to send save-the-date cards to those people you intend to invite to your wedding so that they may plan appropriately, but more importantly, to follow that first notice with an actual invitation to the wedding. "Obvious!" you say. Yet you, my friend, would be wrong. Maybe my penchant for hitting on cute groomsmen has gotten around, or my love of giving themed presents, or my pursed-lips-what-this-is-me-dancing face, and people have decided they just can't handle that on their wedding day. Whatever the reason, I have now twice been sent save-the-date cards without then having been invited to the subsequent wedding. I also know that the first wedding has occurred, and the second couple is still engaged (with wedding plans for August if my memory serves), so it's not like we have to feel badly about a relationship catastrophe, except for those between me and the betrothed.

The first time this happened was about 3 and a half years ago. I was living in an apartment with three other girls, one of whom was engaged. One of the girls, my fabulous now former roommate Veronica (I think that was her name in another post, but I'm too lazy to look so you'll just have to deal), and I tolerated our other roommates, who are nice people but not people we'd be friends with if craigslist hadn't brought us together, but since the one was getting married and the other planning to move in with friends from college, we decided to quietly look for two-bedroom apartments. Long story short, we found one, had about two weeks to find replacement tenants for our rooms and move out, all of which we did. Prior to moving out, our engaged roommate had given the rest of us each a save-the-date for her wedding. Post moving out, Veronica and I never heard from either one again, except to inquire about getting back their shares of the security deposit. Now, we both assumed that we were not invited because there was some bad blood about us moving out, even though we were not besties and in no way left them in the lurch. We were also very happy not to be required to go to what for us would have been an overly religious and teetotalling ceremony and reception respectively. Second most important rule (mine, not Emily Post's) of wedding etiquette: if you're making people sit through a possibly boring ceremony, they deserve alcohol at the reception, and they should not have to pay for it.

I only just realized that I had been snubbed a second time. I guy I knew from when I first moved to New York sent me a save-the-date at the beginning of the year for his August wedding. Now, I was surprised about this for a number of reasons. One was that I hadn't seen or talked to him except on facebook for a couple of years. Two was that the wedding is a destination wedding in Mexico, and I cannot imagine what kind of budget (or how few close friends and family) the couple has for me, an acquaintance now at best, to have been invited. Oh but wait, I wasn't actually invited! I was merely informed of the wedding, given the date, location, and hotel where I could book a room for a reduced rate. Perhaps that's why I never got past the wedding teaser? I never booked a room? I'm willing to bet it was more like they looked at their budget and proposed guest list and had to make cuts. Well, it was an honor just to be nominated. Good thing I practiced my gracious loser face.