On the Auction Block

You know, I used to think that the minutes in life that pass the slowest are those between you and your lunch when you're supremely hungry, waiting in a long line for the ladies' room at a rest stop when you've had to pee for an hour, or sitting in traffic that you didn't expect when you just want to be there already! I now know differently. I recently spent the longest two minutes of my life in a crowded bar in Midtown, waiting for someone to raise their hand to indicate their willingness to pay to spend time with me. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was one of the items up for bid in a charity date auction. If it weren't for the proceeds going to a good cause, I would never have done this in the first place, and I certainly don't have big plans to do it again. There wasn't a stage, just a chair for the auctionees to stand on. This was a mixed blessing. It meant that there was no pressure to dance, strut, or otherwise perform, but it also meant that basically you had to just stand there, wave, smile, wink, etc, and search for your friends to make sure that their bidding arms were ready to go in case you needed rescuing from a potentially creepy date. (I must here give thanks for those friends: Jane and her husband, and my relatively new buddy Amy.) So, I'm tall already, and awkward enough on the ground, but stick me on a chair and both of those traits get amplified. So fun! So for two minutes I stood up there as the auctioneer read off my answers to the questions they asked us in advance, and I was grateful for every sound of recognition that gave me somewhere to look besides at a point just above everyone's heads. Which I'm sure made me look a tad crazy. Ah well. I am pleased to say that more than one person did bid on me, my friends did not have to pay money to spend time with me, and I brought in more than just the minimum bid. Not a lot more, but enough to be respectable. So sometime in the next few weeks I'll be taking a coworker of a friend of mine on a date, and I am hopeful that we will at least have fun, if not fall madly in love ;o).

A Brief Note

Dear eHarmony,

I rejoined your service after your barrage of bargain-filled emails; as a girl that loves a bargain and online shopping, I succumbed. There were some promising early teasers, but like the movie that puts all its best material in the trailer, all that seems to be left are the awkwardly worded jokes and second-rate stars. For another analogy, you are like an electronic version of that salesperson who keeps bringing you things in the wrong size and/or style, insisting that you just try it. I do not want to try on anyone shorter than 5'10", and if that makes me shallow and size-ist, so be it. I'm already self-conscious enough without feeling more manly than the guy I'm standing next to (besides, that happens all the time on the Lower East Side anyway). Also, I would like not to have to take the Metro North, LIRR, or NJ Transit to visit him; are there really no satisfactory available men in the five boroughs? Please keep looking, and be a bit more discerning in your suggestions.

Sincerely,

Me

Back to life, back to reality

Warning: This may end up being a sappier post than normal, so I apologize in advance and won't blame you for not reading it.

Have you ever had a dream that left you a little sad upon waking? You know, one where you were doing the most adventurous thing you can think of, or where you had that job you've been coveting, or where you're with that guy you've been pining for and your life is perfect? (It is a dream after all.) This is the kind of dream that is so vivid and real that you find the real of alarm clocks and a dog that needs walking just that much paler in comparison. This is the kind of dream that makes you squeeze your eyes shut even though you know you're not really going to fall back asleep just because you want the chance to reenter that idyllic world.

Most of my dreams like that inevitably center on the romantic scenario, although the guy is not always one I've been pining for, sometimes acquaintances or celebrities fill the role of leading man. Last night, it was Christopher Gorham from the show "Covert Affairs" on USA, which if you're not watching you should, except that you can't because it's ended until fall. If you ever watched and enjoyed the show "Alias", with my girl crush Jennifer Garner, you would like this show. It's got the same action without the deeply disturbing family drama. And backstabbing, at least not yet. Anyway, that's not the point. I think I have the romantic version of aspirational dreams most often because it's the one big thing in my life that is glaringly lacking. I've got a job and house I like, I think I do most of the things I want to do, and I have super friends. Just no boyfriend, at least not yet.

Okay, so I know Mr. Gorham is married, but it wasn't really him, rather his character Auggie Anderson who starred in my dream. Auggie is the tech guy for the show's main character, and he's a blind former Army Ranger (I think), so the character is smart, extremely attractive and charming, can handle himself in dangerous situations, and truly cares for the people around him. Swoon. So in the dream Auggie was leaving, and we (me and all the "Covert Affairs" characters, Piper Perabo was conspicuously absent, so maybe I cast myself as her) were bidding him goodbye. I also cast myself as the person who Auggie felt the most for, so the embraces were tightest, looks most significant (so what if he's blind), and feelings most strong. And then I woke up, and despite the comforting warmth of another body in my bed, my dog, to clarify, I wanted more. I want someone to feel strongly about me, who would have a harder time saying goodbye to me than to anyone else in his life, someone who will hold me tightly when I ask and when I don't, someone smart and capable who inspires confidence. Sigh.

Maybe it's the rain that has made me mopey, and I do believe that I will still find this, but I'm feeling more susceptible to eHarmony's email advances today. Oh, and if you were wondering why the "Covert Affairs"-themed fantasy, I think it was because 1) I love this show 2) a friend who is also a fan pointed out a guy at the Hester Street fair yesterday who looked like him 3) why not? Alrighty, well thanks for hanging in there if you got this far, and I'll keep you posted on my decision to reenter the online dating world. Or not.

What's good for the goose may not be good for the other goose. Or something like that.

Hi there folks!

I was talking with a friend who I hadn't had a good chat with since around the time of my last post or maybe before, which is to say that it had been far too long. She is one of the few actual followers of the blog, and as any good friend would do, took me to task for leaving her hanging so long. She proposed a happy circumstance: that perhaps I was so consumed spending time with my newly discovered Mr. Wonderful that I hadn't the time between exciting, meaningful sex and romantic, delicious meals to update my faithful readers. Sadly friends, that was not the case. Until today, I had not been on a date since December, which I'm pretty sure I told you about (though I'll check just to be sure.)

So, "How did it go?", I imagine you wonder, or I would wonder why you bother to read this. I'll get to that, but let me tell you how the date came about in the first place. My mom, as you may remember, is an avid promoter of my love life. Really, if Times Square would allow her to rent a billboard, she would do it, and it would have my vital statistics, zodiac sign and phone number on it. As per her contract, when she heard that Jane, a high school friend, was moving back to the city to teach/research at a prestigious university, she informed me of the potential dating mine this might open up. Math geeks and post-docs and profs, oh my! Anyway, I relayed my mother's scheme to Jane so that she could start to keeping her eyes peeled, she in turn relayed it to her fiance over the phone while in her office, and her officemate obligingly offered up an unsuspecting friend. Who needs facebook when you've got networking skills like these! Actually, Jane did, since she had to proffer evidence in answer to the officemate's first question: "Is she hot?" Apparently, I passed muster. Jane got to see a picture of the friend, and deemed him worthy as well. And we were off to the races.

Well, to the recently gentrified uptown neighborhood.

Jane had given me the guy's email and phone number. Not wanting to seem too forward, I emailed Jake and introduced myself, which was kind of awkward since I wasn't exactly sure what he had heard. Anyway, he emailed me back, seemed nice, so we made plans to meet up in Harlem for a drink. Too bad it was one of the hottest days of the year. It's hard to pick out an outfit when your major concern is what will hide your back sweat best. Well, we met, he was attractive and interesting, and the conversation was easy and fun. Jake is a guy who talks about his family both lovingly and with some deprecating humor, which I appreciate, and talks about his job with enthusiasm but not too seriously. He likes to travel and is ready with a bag at work every Friday in case he finds a cheap fare somewhere. This was all appealing to me. Except, at one point I mistakenly calculated that he is younger than me by a couple of years, and almost instantaneously I thought he would be perfect for my younger sister. After that, there was no saving it. All I could picture was how cute they'd be together, and it was impossible to replace her person with my own.

That's the problem; Jake's exactly the kind of guy you'd want your sister to date. He's a decent, caring, employed, good-looking, polite, seemingly responsible, dog-loving guy. He and I just didn't have any "pop", you know? And since it's been almost two weeks since we met and I haven't heard from him, apparently he felt the same way. Now, I can't truly say whether he and my sister would either, but that matters less to me ;o). As long as she's with a good guy, I'd rather she not have drama. The only thing I worry about with my sister is that sometimes she can be a little rigid, so I want a guy who would push her to loosen up, go crazy once in awhile (and not in a type-A personality kind of a way). I think Jake would do that. Noe the only question is, how do you ask a guy you went out with if maybe he'd rather date your sister?

Anybody?

So, We Meet Again

Hi friends (since you are the only ones who read this.)

I'm beginning to think this idea of having a meaningful relationship by the time I'm 30 may have been ridiculous. As I've gotten pretty much nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I've had some fun along the way, but as for achieving anything in the romantic realm of my life, not so much.

I chatted up the really cute guy at the dog park the other day, but he and his fiancee are moving to City Island, so that's not going to work. "Plenty of fish" has not netted me anything, and I tried to write a profile for match.com but I timed out of the session and they erased every carefully crafted word. Only those who agonize over their online profile personas would understand how demoralizing it is to spend (let's not embarrass me by actually stating the length of time) awhile putting together what you think are the most witty, sparkling, fresh, enticing, attractive, engaging and true enough tidbits about yourself, pieces of information you hope will be accepted and appreciated by others, into the perfect 500 word summary, only to have it disappear without warning as you move on to select your best, I-only-look-like-I'm-not-trying-hard picture. Honestly, I'm kind of tired of trying. Maybe eHarmony still has my old profile information and I wouldn't have to spend any time making up a new one. Or maybe one of you wants to write it for me? What do you think? eHarmony seems also to have sensed my, not exactly desperation, but my sense of not knowing where else to turn, as they've recently emailed me an offer on a 3-month membership.

I'm just not sure I want to do that again. Sure, it's fun in that it's kind of like online shopping, and sometimes what you've put in your cart takes you out for a dinner or two, but then what if nothing comes of it? It'll be even more proof that my profile-writing isn't perfect, and that's just one more thing to be insecure about.

A Pre-Valentine's Day Update

Hi.

So, shortly after my last post, I went out with a guy who was perfect for me. He was a coworker of my coworker's husband, so he was well vetted. He's tall, good-looking, plays softball, is the right age for me, is a responsible adult, a really nice guy, smart, basically the whole package. We went to a great little tapas/wine bar/inoteca type place in midtown, had large glasses of tasty wine and small plates of delicious foods. The conversation flowed easily and we had a lot in common. But. You knew it was coming. There wasn't exactly a spark. You know the one. We laughed and got along well, but there was no teasing, flirty slant to the night. He was a total gentleman and I would have gone on a second date since it seemed wasteful to dismiss such a great guy so quickly, but I never got the chance. The next day I texted him just to say thanks for a nice night. He emailed me back later that day and said he got more of a friends vibe from the evening. I was floored. Not because I didn't feel the same way, but because I didn't expect him to put it out there so truthfully and bluntly. I don't mean that he was rude or anything, in fact he was very complimentary for the first part of the email, I just don't know that I have ever had such an honest end to a (can I call it a relationship if it was just one date? Well, for lack of a better word . . . ) relationship. Is this how adults behave? Cool.

Right now, the only man in my life is my dog. So far we have been unsuccessful at meeting single, age- and situation- appropriate men at the dog run. It is difficult to look alluring with a bag of poop in your hand. And while he is a bit of a cuddlebug, I doubt the dog will be buying me chocolates or flowers this Valentine's Day. What a wonder if he could!