Back to life, back to reality

Warning: This may end up being a sappier post than normal, so I apologize in advance and won't blame you for not reading it.

Have you ever had a dream that left you a little sad upon waking? You know, one where you were doing the most adventurous thing you can think of, or where you had that job you've been coveting, or where you're with that guy you've been pining for and your life is perfect? (It is a dream after all.) This is the kind of dream that is so vivid and real that you find the real of alarm clocks and a dog that needs walking just that much paler in comparison. This is the kind of dream that makes you squeeze your eyes shut even though you know you're not really going to fall back asleep just because you want the chance to reenter that idyllic world.

Most of my dreams like that inevitably center on the romantic scenario, although the guy is not always one I've been pining for, sometimes acquaintances or celebrities fill the role of leading man. Last night, it was Christopher Gorham from the show "Covert Affairs" on USA, which if you're not watching you should, except that you can't because it's ended until fall. If you ever watched and enjoyed the show "Alias", with my girl crush Jennifer Garner, you would like this show. It's got the same action without the deeply disturbing family drama. And backstabbing, at least not yet. Anyway, that's not the point. I think I have the romantic version of aspirational dreams most often because it's the one big thing in my life that is glaringly lacking. I've got a job and house I like, I think I do most of the things I want to do, and I have super friends. Just no boyfriend, at least not yet.

Okay, so I know Mr. Gorham is married, but it wasn't really him, rather his character Auggie Anderson who starred in my dream. Auggie is the tech guy for the show's main character, and he's a blind former Army Ranger (I think), so the character is smart, extremely attractive and charming, can handle himself in dangerous situations, and truly cares for the people around him. Swoon. So in the dream Auggie was leaving, and we (me and all the "Covert Affairs" characters, Piper Perabo was conspicuously absent, so maybe I cast myself as her) were bidding him goodbye. I also cast myself as the person who Auggie felt the most for, so the embraces were tightest, looks most significant (so what if he's blind), and feelings most strong. And then I woke up, and despite the comforting warmth of another body in my bed, my dog, to clarify, I wanted more. I want someone to feel strongly about me, who would have a harder time saying goodbye to me than to anyone else in his life, someone who will hold me tightly when I ask and when I don't, someone smart and capable who inspires confidence. Sigh.

Maybe it's the rain that has made me mopey, and I do believe that I will still find this, but I'm feeling more susceptible to eHarmony's email advances today. Oh, and if you were wondering why the "Covert Affairs"-themed fantasy, I think it was because 1) I love this show 2) a friend who is also a fan pointed out a guy at the Hester Street fair yesterday who looked like him 3) why not? Alrighty, well thanks for hanging in there if you got this far, and I'll keep you posted on my decision to reenter the online dating world. Or not.