Pearls of Wisdom

I don't know if others of you out there are in the same situation, but my mom is very concerned that I won't get married and have babies while she still has the eyesight to see them. So for the last nine years or so, my mother has been very concerned about the state of my love life. First, she worried that I might be a lesbian. Now, don't get me wrong, she has a big gay following at her work, she doesn't have anything against being gay, thinks gay couples should be allowed to legally wed, but she just doesn't want her daughters to be among them (because of how other people would treat them, not how she would of course). When I came home from college with a hickey one time, she flat-out asked me if it was from a guy, and was very relieved when I answered in the affirmative. Incidentally, this guy didn't make the round-up in the inaugural post, in case you were wondering. She insisted for awhile that JR and I would eventually get together, since he was who I talked about most often, but has hopped off that bandwagon since I acquainted her with some aspects of his douche-baggery. Hyphen or no there? I couldn't decide, but spell check lets pretty much anything go when you put in a hyphen, and I do hate those angry red squiggles.

I think my mother probably considers my prospects and options at least as much as I do, and thus likes to offer up advice now and again. For instance, once we were at a steakhouse, just me and her, enjoying a pleasant conversation with a side of cow. Then she says, "I think you need to have more sex." Very helpful Mom, thanks. How do you respond to that? I assume she assumed I was having none, which was not entirely true, because I don't tell her everything, and she said she just wanted me to experience that kind of closeness and intimacy. This made me wonder what lengths she would go to if it ever appears that I will not be happily coupled in her lifetime. I think we'd be paying another visit to the Egyptian papyrus vendor who offered her 40 camels. But that's a story for another time.

Anyway, her latest stratagem is that I should inform people that I am willing to be set up (which I am, since it seems more likely to take than a random bar hookup), because her office-mate married a man she was set up with by friends. She says people won't do it on their own, because they're afraid of being presumptuous. So, because I am ever the diligent daughter (ha!), lately I've been informing my friends, and in some cases casual acquaintances, of Mom's Edict. We have had a laugh after they almost invariably respond with "I'll keep a lookout", but in my head I'm thinking "but seriously though . . .". I have not been good about picking my own men, so maybe someone else will do it better. Someone who is not a website started by Dr. Neil Clark Warren; don't get me started on that. So in any case reader/s, this is my official proclamation: If you know of any single, intelligent, tall, emotionally available, financially stable, interesting men in the 25-35 range, within 20 miles of NYC, please keep me in mind and try to set me up on a date. We could double with you and your significant other, or you can send us to fend for ourselves. Your call. I'm a very pleasant dinner companion, in case you were wondering.

On the Adam front:

He was getting an award for stuff he does outside of work, and invited me to the ceremony. Kind of date-like right? And then we got coffee while doing stuff for work. Non-date-like? My coworker Annie says that I shouldn't worry about what I want this to be (especially since I'm not sure) but should just let it be. And invite him to do something with me. Annie is very wise, not unlike my mom, so I'm trying to listen. Thus Adam now has an invitation to pub trivia, and a vague "we should get together and play my favorite word game sometime" proposition. Should I do more? Might as well weigh in on this since you get to pick dates for me too. (I know that there aren't a hoard of people reading this, but I like to pretend.)

So there's my update. Sorry I'm not doing any of the things I originally set out to do. I might try again when things are less busy. I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving, and that you ate yourself out of your pants. And I hope to be better than before and post again well before Christmas.