Hello again! I hope you all had a delightful holiday, and are embarking on a wonderful new year! Over Christmas my roommate reminded me of the promises I had initially made to myself at the conception of this blog, you know, to try one of those “tried and true ways to meet someone” every couple of weeks or once a month or so, and obviously I haven’t really done that. Although, I guess I am currently sort of seeing someone who used to be a casual acquaintance; was that on the list? Did I tell you that Adam definitely is interested in me? Well he is, and I told him I was undecided about dating him, and then he didn’t kiss me. This is the short, Reader’s Digest version. Those things didn’t all happen on the same day, let alone the same breath.
The first was revealed a couple of weeks ago after we went to dinner and a play, and he insisted on riding with me to my stop and seeing me to my apartment. Did I mention that it was freezing cold with an icy wind to boot and that he walked home? On our way to my door, he said some really complimentary things and was very awkwardly adorable, and I kissed him on the cheek and we said goodnight. I know I know, maybe a little harsh, but up to that point I wasn’t completely sure what his intentions were and so wasn’t mentally prepped for anything else. Later that week I suggested we go to dinner somewhere a little closer to home (we live in very close neighborhoods), assuming that maybe we would go back to one apartment or the other to get over the first kiss hurdle . . . nothing more than that, so get your minds out of the gutter. I’m self-conscious, he’s shy, so I figured that some place away from the public eye might be better for us. And then he picked Wednesday. What was I supposed to do with Wednesday? We went to dinner, and I helped him pick out some presents, but then I legitimately had things to do at home and could not go back to his place. That night was when he point-blank asked me if I was interested in him and I said I was undecided. Since nothing happened that night, I assumed that when he came over to my apartment to give me a Christmas present (super-sweet, I know!) we’d finally make it to first base. Nope. He didn’t kiss me. I lingered for a bit when we were saying goodbye, tried to give him the opportunity, but he didn’t take it. Now, this may be my fault for saying I was undecided, and he’s a gentleman and didn’t want to presume anything. But how am I supposed to decide without a little bit of help? Make the first move? Unacceptable. I am nearly as shy and awkward as he is, and have never made the first physical move. Sure, I have embarrassingly asked a guy out here and there, but that is not the same thing. I don’t know how to be smooth going for the first kiss. That’s not in my repertoire.
Obviously, I am about as good at this as one might expect an ex-chubby-choir-and-academic-team member to be. Any tips to get over yourself and make the first move? I was thinking next time I see him maybe just to greet him with a kiss, get things out of the way. But that might backfire on me, I don't know. Maybe I should just cruise bars and try to kiss people, that way when it really matters I won't be so neurotic about it. That's a practical idea I think. Totally, completely jives with who I am. My mother would be all for it. Love her, I really do, and I should probably try to be more like her when it comes to being completely self-assured and un-self-conscious when it comes to doing potentially stupid things in public. Perhaps it would be freeing. Something needs to change, it is a new year after all . . .
7 comments:
This may not be your style BUT maybe you should at least consider just doing it. Say something really blunt like...you don't feel like waiting any longer, or someone has to do it, or something like that and grab his face with your hands and kiss him. I think it will just break the ice and you can get it over with. What do you think?
By the way, have you tried internet dating or speed dating?
Hi Michele,
Are you a reader of Vittoria's? Your suggestion makes tons of sense, but is more ballsy than my norm . . . I will definitely think about it. I have tried internet dating, with lackluster results, though I will not rule out trying it again. I have never speed-dated. It's a thought. Thanks for your comment!
First let me preface and say that I am a reader from Vittoria. But don't know her from Adam, just found her thru DCBlogs. Second, as a guy, I usually make the first move if I feel something. But it would be nice if the girl could initiate first contact, i.e. touch my face which would give me an indication that maybe some feelings might be reciprocated....Also, proximity....You may need to break your comfort zone but just come up against him...Not jump him but step in closer...Then let him continue on from there.
Hi Em! I will admit I've been lurking here since you started up, but now I'm going to start commenting. I'm sure you're terribly excited, but I like to think of it as one of those easy-to-keep New Year's resolutions. (should i stick with my alias from vittoria's blog? i guess i will for now.) anyway...
you certainly remember my boyfriend from early in undergrad. we'll call him "randy". when randy and i started dating, he had never kissed anyone before, which made our first kiss kind of intimidating for me as well. i didn't want to ruin his first kiss ever! but since we were both so nervous about it, i decided it was easier to just be blunt and went with something along the lines of "well we're both nervous, so let's just do this". very similar to what michele mentioned above. and even though it was kind of silly, it also ended up being really sweet. and then we could just relax and take it from there. so i say just go for it, which i know can be hard to hear. but seriously, it wasn't my style either, but i was really glad that i went ahead and did it.
and i may have missed it, but why exactly are you "undecided" about Adam?
Oh Eva, I had no idea you were lurking! That makes me so happy! Have you ever seen the movie "Shall We Dance?" (don't worry if you haven't, it was, well, underappreciated)? There's a line Stanley Tucci says about why he doesn't want to dance with Lisa Ann Walters: "We'd look like an olive and a toothpick." That's part of it. Me olive, him toothpick. I can't quite define my other reservations, maybe I'm just more gun-shy than I like to think. Hope everything's well in your neck of the woods!
Persequi- I appreciate the guy's point of view, and will try to step up to the plate.
i love randy. that was amazing.
I think saying you were undecided left him kind of floundering. He stuck his neck out so I think you need to make the next move. He sounds like a really sweet guy. Call and ask him over so you can make dinner for him. Light candles etc etc. You'll never know if you're truly interested until you get the chemistry part out of the way.
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