The Moral of the Story

Apparently, just like sleeping with a guy too early, becoming facebook friends too quickly can end a relationship before it starts. So treasure your friend list and wait until you're sure he will treasure it as much as you do, just like your momma taught you.

*I found a post I wrote in February but never published, just a blip really, but oddly germane. It's up now if you're interested.

Seriously?! (Interrobang)

I thought I had seen or heard of most everything, but this one is truly special. I am incredulous at the stupidity of the situation. Utterly speechless. Almost. So, in my teaser of a day or two ago I let you know that I had another story to tell. Well, it got more interesting and ridiculous tonight. I'll start at the beginning.

My friend, who I consider to be among the best daters I've ever met (she's easy to talk to, genuinely interested in people, and eternally optimistic even when she's sad) suggested I try this dating website she was on, because it was free, and there are a large variety of people on it. Now, I've had enough of online dating not to pay for it again (yes, I have done that), but I hadn't been meeting anyone and figured what the hell. Little to nothing had come of it until about two weeks ago, when I got a message from a guy who sounded like he had actually read my profile, and was actually interested in getting to know me. He was straightforward, and within a short time asked if I was free to meet for drinks. We ended up at a place in Tribeca during that crazy sun-dershower last week, got along really well, and closed the night with a kiss and plans to meet again a few days from then at a tapas place he was excited to show me. Great. Fantastic. I go home and start thinking maybe I won't have to go speed-dating, and coyly tell you the same. Just as in the great tragedies of Sophocles however, hubris felled the hero (or anti-hero).

First, the guy texts me the night before we're supposed to meet up and tells me there was a fire in his building, his apartment is filled with smoke and thus he has to postpone our second date. I, being the slightly jaded New-Yorker I am, thought to myself "elaborate ruse or legitimate excuse?" I ended up giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though Google could find no report of the alleged fire. (Yes, I googled it, what?) A day or two later I get another text from him wanting to reschedule for Friday. I was free, so after a mental pat on the back for not having gone pscyho-accusatory about the "fire", I texted him back and agreed. Now, I changed jobs two years ago, but still really love the people I used to work with. They were having their start-of-summer party the same day, which I was informed of via facebook wall post by one of said former coworkers. In a wall-to-wall reply, I mentioned that I might not be able to go, because my current coworkers might want to go out, and then I had plans at 8. The next part of my comment is where things started to be set in motion. I then said, sarcastically and flippantly, as that is my wont, "but if they suck maybe I can meet you out after". I really meant no offense to the new guy, and forgot that we were even facebook friends and that he might see this on my profile, as I don't do the news feed thing (or maybe I do and don't realize and that's how he saw it). I honestly did not think I would be meeting them out late, as I was excited for date #2 with the new guy. I also only realized on my way out that new guy may have read the post and that I would be embarrassed if he misconstrued it. But then I thought, well he must realize I was being facetious (I don't really take myself too seriously, am sarcastic, and thought that those qualities are easily noticed after spending say, an evening alone in my company), and who really cares about facebook anyway? Apparently, new guy does. I got to our appointed meeting place a few minutes early, looked for him, and then proceeded to wait. After 20 minutes I texted. 20 minutes after that with no response I figured I had been stood up. So I did end up with the former coworkers at their post-dinner bar. By the by, if you are a girl and haven't had the raspberry UFO you should definitely try it!

The former coworkers commented on how stupid this guy must be to leave me hanging (thanks guys!), and I wondered out loud if facebook could have had anything to do with it. We made it a pretty early night, as you can see from the timing of this post, and I got home and checked my email to see if there was any note from the guy, thinking maybe there had been some sort of emergency, still unwilling to believe I could've gotten stood up for no good reason by a guy who had previously been so interested. There was nothing, so I decided to check facebook to see if there had been any chatter there. Except apparently, we are no longer friends. Not only that, but I couldn't even find him in a general search, so I'm pretty sure he blocked me. Am I the only person who thinks this reaction is a little out of proportion? I mean, if you're upset about the comment okay, but to not even cancel the date? To not give me the benefit of the doubt when you don't know me very well and thus could not possibly know what, if anything was meant by a comment made to somebody else, who doesn't know you, on facebook? To then block me, because I am such a horrible and evil person you never want to have contact with me again? Too bad I have your cell phone number jerk, or maybe he changed that too. Seriously? He's 33. And despite my tendency to speak before I think, I'm awesome. Are we really not mature enough to ask what that stupid fucking comment was about? Fine, then I guess he wasn't the man I was looking for anyway.

Oh, and the interrobang is a really fantastically named punctuation mark brought to my attention by Annie, which consists of an exclamation point superimposed on a question mark (or vice-versa, it's kind of a chicken-or-the-egg dilemma there), which as far as I know cannot be accurately reproduced on blogger but which I have tried to represent in the title in spirit if not in actuality.

My life ate my blog

Mid-January, long time no see. It was around then that I thought I would take advantage of the housing tax credit being extended, and would look seriously for an apartment to buy. So for four months, the only men in my life were Matthew, Mark and Luke (a biblical trio to be sure), otherwise known as my realtor, lawyer and mortgage lender. It was crazy. I went to open houses every weekend for about a month, put in and had an offer accepted mid-February, then moved in three months later. I had no idea things took that long, but apparently in Manhattan's crazy world of co-ops, that's pretty standard. So with that, work, vacations and finishing up a special certification for work, I was pretty busy for those months and didn't have the mental capacity necessary for anything but watching TV or hanging out with friends when not working. But the end of the story is, I'm now living by myself for the first time ever, in an apartment I like in a neighborhood I like, and given some time we may just end up in love. And I plan on getting a dog towards the end of the summer. And not just because I want to have someone to talk to when I get home ;o).

In the meantime, I haven't seen Adam since the last time I wrote, though I hope he's doing well. I saw JR for the first time in 6 months; we went for a walk around our then shared neighborhood. He asked if I wanted to go meet his girlfriend while she was at work. I thought that would be weird to say the least, so I declined. He offered to help me move, but because I haven't heard from him since, I was right in assuming that it was a crocodile offer (you know, like crocodile tears . . . fake . . . no?). I did bump into another guy I had gone out with a couple of times a few years ago, and he was super-nice, and seemed genuinely interested in and happy for the developments in my life. I'm sure I've mentioned him before, but it's been so long I have no idea what his blog name was. It made me feel really badly (again) about how I stopped seeing him, which was to ignore his phone calls because I didn't know what to say. In my defense, I was young and stupid.

In unrelated news, my former roomie (got to look up her blog name), used one of the old posts for an exercise she did with her students, so that's probably quadrupled my readership right there! She also introduced me to Groupon, when she forwarded me an offer they had for half off a speed-dating session. In the body of her message she suggested it would make a good subject for a post, killing two birds with one stone and guilting me significantly to buy it. So when I do that I'll write it up for you all, as I'm sure it will be an exercise in humility and humiliation! Schadenfreude sells! If things keep going as they are right now, which is too ridiculously early to tell, perhaps I won't need it. I'll keep you posted . . .

A teaser

Hi folks, if there are any of you left . . . I wanted to let you know that I will post for real very soon. I will explain the absence and hopefully allay your fears that I had dropped off the face of the planet. Almost five months, wow am I unreliable! Back soon, I promise.

A Bit of a Tangent

From the archives; I wrote this in February and never published it . . . not sure why. The last sentence, and sentiment, currently resonate with me.

So, the new man in my life is a real estate agent named Matthew. I met him at an open house a couple of weeks ago, he helpfully sent me more listings, and then I saw him again this past weekend a couple of times. I think he could really be significant . . . to my apartment search. Not a romantic interest, unless you consider it a romance with myself and a new corner of the city (for me). Really though, it has all the makings of a good relationship; he's attentive, thoughtful, helpful, gainfully employed, financially stable, it's really only the wife and kids getting in the way. I'm totally kidding here by the way. He is a rare find though, in that you get the feeling that he actually has your best real estate related interests at heart, and wants to find the best fit for you and not just make a sale. So apartment-hunting is my new love. For now. Then I'll get a dog.

And the hits just keep on coming

Should I go in chronological order of the weekend or in order of importance? I think the latter.

So Adam and I met for dinner on Friday before heading to a movie. We got seated in a mafia table, you know, where if you sit in the corner you can see the whole room? The place settings were laid out kitty-corner to one another, but Adam made to sit across from me. I suggested it might be better to take the seat on the (L-shaped) both next to me. I thought that was good on my part, to encourage the closeness. Now usually I am not okay with couples sitting on the same side of the table, but we were kitty-corner, you know, seated on consecutive sides of the table, so it's not the same. He called me beautiful, which was sweet, and we talked as easily as we normally do, except for when he was convinced our onion strings were french fries. But there was no hand-holding or thigh-grazing or anything. Okay, so off to the movie.

We saw Sherlock Holmes, which if you haven't seen I definitely recommend it, and we both like previews, so if that's not enough to start a relationship on I just don't know what is. I tried to take advantage of the common armrest, but his stayed crossed the entire movie, so nothing-doing. I decided after that night that on Sunday morning after volunteering I'd have to tell him I just see us as friends. I never got that chance, as he said he had errands to run afterwards and we went our separate ways. I think we've lost that loving feeling. Which is fine. I can't make myself be attracted to him, as much as I would like to be. He is a great guy though, and if anyone ever asked me if I know any in New York, his name would be at the top of the list. I have Adam to thank for making me recognize the kind of admiration I deserve, and as I've waited 27 years for it, I guess a few (please God not more than that! ;o) ) more won't kill me.

Now, as for facebook-blast-from-the-past-to-be-known-as-Sam, it is a weird tale. So Annie, being optimistic for me, suggested that perhaps he was a stud and that I'd be spending more time in the suburbs (I am loosely defining suburbs to include the majority of the tri-state area). This could not be farther from the truth. A chubby kid in high school (it takes one to know one), Sam is now on the emaciated side of thin. He still has the same ferocious-looking acne though. And when I saw him from across the street, I thought "No, that can't possibly be him. Really?" He looked like he was still wet from a shower, which turned out to be the hair gel he was using to try to tame down his formerly curly and now possibly thinning hair. I know you probably think I am being mean, but really I am being as accurate as I can be. Maybe that's the mean part? But we're not done. He was also wearing pants two inches too short. And was limping. I kid you not. So, we had lunch at a diner where we talked about high school, him with an astonishing command of the most minute of details. When we parted, he said that we should definitely get together before another ten years passed us by. I just smiled and nodded.

Thursday Shorts

Quick updates:

No JR. As predicted, he flaked. Not a big loss, and the longer we go the less I miss it. Or so I try to believe.

As for Adam, we're going out tomorrow for dinner and a movie, and I promise I will do my best to be a little more forward and/or encouraging. He's also coming to a volunteering thing I'm going to on Sunday, so I reeeaaally hope Friday isn't awkward.

Someone may have fallen in facebook love with me. I had never heard of it either until Annie told me it had happened to a couple of people she knows; they had lost touch with people from high school or earlier, who then later found them on facebook, found them attractive, and found themselves in networking website love. This is a guy I've known since 7th grade from being music dorks. We were not particularly close, but went to a movie with two other kids once, and apparently this has stuck with him. We didn't talk all through college or after (and I didn't miss it) until he found me on facebook and realized we live a few hours from each other. This, apparently, is reason enough to get together. I know this is scanty evidence for fb love, but i can't tell you the whole story without you thinking less of me than you already do. Anyway, he's going to be in the city this weekend, so I decided I should bite the bullet and have lunch with him with the hope that it will fend off any more ridiculous requests to meet up in the land where public transportation doesn't go.

I may have volunteered to participate in a date auction, and not as a bidder. Has anyone ever done one of these before? I find it a little scary and imagine it will be more than a little humiliating. But, I figure, what the hell? I'll keep you posted.