And the hits just keep on coming

Should I go in chronological order of the weekend or in order of importance? I think the latter.

So Adam and I met for dinner on Friday before heading to a movie. We got seated in a mafia table, you know, where if you sit in the corner you can see the whole room? The place settings were laid out kitty-corner to one another, but Adam made to sit across from me. I suggested it might be better to take the seat on the (L-shaped) both next to me. I thought that was good on my part, to encourage the closeness. Now usually I am not okay with couples sitting on the same side of the table, but we were kitty-corner, you know, seated on consecutive sides of the table, so it's not the same. He called me beautiful, which was sweet, and we talked as easily as we normally do, except for when he was convinced our onion strings were french fries. But there was no hand-holding or thigh-grazing or anything. Okay, so off to the movie.

We saw Sherlock Holmes, which if you haven't seen I definitely recommend it, and we both like previews, so if that's not enough to start a relationship on I just don't know what is. I tried to take advantage of the common armrest, but his stayed crossed the entire movie, so nothing-doing. I decided after that night that on Sunday morning after volunteering I'd have to tell him I just see us as friends. I never got that chance, as he said he had errands to run afterwards and we went our separate ways. I think we've lost that loving feeling. Which is fine. I can't make myself be attracted to him, as much as I would like to be. He is a great guy though, and if anyone ever asked me if I know any in New York, his name would be at the top of the list. I have Adam to thank for making me recognize the kind of admiration I deserve, and as I've waited 27 years for it, I guess a few (please God not more than that! ;o) ) more won't kill me.

Now, as for facebook-blast-from-the-past-to-be-known-as-Sam, it is a weird tale. So Annie, being optimistic for me, suggested that perhaps he was a stud and that I'd be spending more time in the suburbs (I am loosely defining suburbs to include the majority of the tri-state area). This could not be farther from the truth. A chubby kid in high school (it takes one to know one), Sam is now on the emaciated side of thin. He still has the same ferocious-looking acne though. And when I saw him from across the street, I thought "No, that can't possibly be him. Really?" He looked like he was still wet from a shower, which turned out to be the hair gel he was using to try to tame down his formerly curly and now possibly thinning hair. I know you probably think I am being mean, but really I am being as accurate as I can be. Maybe that's the mean part? But we're not done. He was also wearing pants two inches too short. And was limping. I kid you not. So, we had lunch at a diner where we talked about high school, him with an astonishing command of the most minute of details. When we parted, he said that we should definitely get together before another ten years passed us by. I just smiled and nodded.

Thursday Shorts

Quick updates:

No JR. As predicted, he flaked. Not a big loss, and the longer we go the less I miss it. Or so I try to believe.

As for Adam, we're going out tomorrow for dinner and a movie, and I promise I will do my best to be a little more forward and/or encouraging. He's also coming to a volunteering thing I'm going to on Sunday, so I reeeaaally hope Friday isn't awkward.

Someone may have fallen in facebook love with me. I had never heard of it either until Annie told me it had happened to a couple of people she knows; they had lost touch with people from high school or earlier, who then later found them on facebook, found them attractive, and found themselves in networking website love. This is a guy I've known since 7th grade from being music dorks. We were not particularly close, but went to a movie with two other kids once, and apparently this has stuck with him. We didn't talk all through college or after (and I didn't miss it) until he found me on facebook and realized we live a few hours from each other. This, apparently, is reason enough to get together. I know this is scanty evidence for fb love, but i can't tell you the whole story without you thinking less of me than you already do. Anyway, he's going to be in the city this weekend, so I decided I should bite the bullet and have lunch with him with the hope that it will fend off any more ridiculous requests to meet up in the land where public transportation doesn't go.

I may have volunteered to participate in a date auction, and not as a bidder. Has anyone ever done one of these before? I find it a little scary and imagine it will be more than a little humiliating. But, I figure, what the hell? I'll keep you posted.

Return of JR

Just a quick note: Over the Christmas holiday, which I spent with family and which was very restful and enjoyable, I was contacted twice by JR. He called on my way to my parents, but I was in the quiet car of the train and didn't pick up, and then he texted on Christmas Day. Both times very solicitous, and both with a request that we get together once I was back in the city. I emailed once I got back as a courtesy, and we are supposed to meet up "later this week". As tomorrow is Thursday and I've had no word, I'm not sure we'll actually see anything of one another. I'm not sure that I'm interested anyway though, so that works out. How are you supposed to treat a friend who may or may not know that he's hurt you, and that you're not sure that hanging out with him is a good idea? I've embarrassed myself too many times with him making outlandish emotional declarations, thus am not willing to come out and say just that. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of being that significant if he hasn't already realized it. I'm mature, I know. Can I just let it go?

Release My Inhibitions?

Hello again! I hope you all had a delightful holiday, and are embarking on a wonderful new year! Over Christmas my roommate reminded me of the promises I had initially made to myself at the conception of this blog, you know, to try one of those “tried and true ways to meet someone” every couple of weeks or once a month or so, and obviously I haven’t really done that. Although, I guess I am currently sort of seeing someone who used to be a casual acquaintance; was that on the list? Did I tell you that Adam definitely is interested in me? Well he is, and I told him I was undecided about dating him, and then he didn’t kiss me. This is the short, Reader’s Digest version. Those things didn’t all happen on the same day, let alone the same breath.

The first was revealed a couple of weeks ago after we went to dinner and a play, and he insisted on riding with me to my stop and seeing me to my apartment. Did I mention that it was freezing cold with an icy wind to boot and that he walked home? On our way to my door, he said some really complimentary things and was very awkwardly adorable, and I kissed him on the cheek and we said goodnight. I know I know, maybe a little harsh, but up to that point I wasn’t completely sure what his intentions were and so wasn’t mentally prepped for anything else. Later that week I suggested we go to dinner somewhere a little closer to home (we live in very close neighborhoods), assuming that maybe we would go back to one apartment or the other to get over the first kiss hurdle . . . nothing more than that, so get your minds out of the gutter. I’m self-conscious, he’s shy, so I figured that some place away from the public eye might be better for us. And then he picked Wednesday. What was I supposed to do with Wednesday? We went to dinner, and I helped him pick out some presents, but then I legitimately had things to do at home and could not go back to his place. That night was when he point-blank asked me if I was interested in him and I said I was undecided. Since nothing happened that night, I assumed that when he came over to my apartment to give me a Christmas present (super-sweet, I know!) we’d finally make it to first base. Nope. He didn’t kiss me. I lingered for a bit when we were saying goodbye, tried to give him the opportunity, but he didn’t take it. Now, this may be my fault for saying I was undecided, and he’s a gentleman and didn’t want to presume anything. But how am I supposed to decide without a little bit of help? Make the first move? Unacceptable. I am nearly as shy and awkward as he is, and have never made the first physical move. Sure, I have embarrassingly asked a guy out here and there, but that is not the same thing. I don’t know how to be smooth going for the first kiss. That’s not in my repertoire.

Obviously, I am about as good at this as one might expect an ex-chubby-choir-and-academic-team member to be. Any tips to get over yourself and make the first move? I was thinking next time I see him maybe just to greet him with a kiss, get things out of the way. But that might backfire on me, I don't know. Maybe I should just cruise bars and try to kiss people, that way when it really matters I won't be so neurotic about it. That's a practical idea I think. Totally, completely jives with who I am. My mother would be all for it. Love her, I really do, and I should probably try to be more like her when it comes to being completely self-assured and un-self-conscious when it comes to doing potentially stupid things in public. Perhaps it would be freeing. Something needs to change, it is a new year after all . . .

Pearls of Wisdom

I don't know if others of you out there are in the same situation, but my mom is very concerned that I won't get married and have babies while she still has the eyesight to see them. So for the last nine years or so, my mother has been very concerned about the state of my love life. First, she worried that I might be a lesbian. Now, don't get me wrong, she has a big gay following at her work, she doesn't have anything against being gay, thinks gay couples should be allowed to legally wed, but she just doesn't want her daughters to be among them (because of how other people would treat them, not how she would of course). When I came home from college with a hickey one time, she flat-out asked me if it was from a guy, and was very relieved when I answered in the affirmative. Incidentally, this guy didn't make the round-up in the inaugural post, in case you were wondering. She insisted for awhile that JR and I would eventually get together, since he was who I talked about most often, but has hopped off that bandwagon since I acquainted her with some aspects of his douche-baggery. Hyphen or no there? I couldn't decide, but spell check lets pretty much anything go when you put in a hyphen, and I do hate those angry red squiggles.

I think my mother probably considers my prospects and options at least as much as I do, and thus likes to offer up advice now and again. For instance, once we were at a steakhouse, just me and her, enjoying a pleasant conversation with a side of cow. Then she says, "I think you need to have more sex." Very helpful Mom, thanks. How do you respond to that? I assume she assumed I was having none, which was not entirely true, because I don't tell her everything, and she said she just wanted me to experience that kind of closeness and intimacy. This made me wonder what lengths she would go to if it ever appears that I will not be happily coupled in her lifetime. I think we'd be paying another visit to the Egyptian papyrus vendor who offered her 40 camels. But that's a story for another time.

Anyway, her latest stratagem is that I should inform people that I am willing to be set up (which I am, since it seems more likely to take than a random bar hookup), because her office-mate married a man she was set up with by friends. She says people won't do it on their own, because they're afraid of being presumptuous. So, because I am ever the diligent daughter (ha!), lately I've been informing my friends, and in some cases casual acquaintances, of Mom's Edict. We have had a laugh after they almost invariably respond with "I'll keep a lookout", but in my head I'm thinking "but seriously though . . .". I have not been good about picking my own men, so maybe someone else will do it better. Someone who is not a website started by Dr. Neil Clark Warren; don't get me started on that. So in any case reader/s, this is my official proclamation: If you know of any single, intelligent, tall, emotionally available, financially stable, interesting men in the 25-35 range, within 20 miles of NYC, please keep me in mind and try to set me up on a date. We could double with you and your significant other, or you can send us to fend for ourselves. Your call. I'm a very pleasant dinner companion, in case you were wondering.

On the Adam front:

He was getting an award for stuff he does outside of work, and invited me to the ceremony. Kind of date-like right? And then we got coffee while doing stuff for work. Non-date-like? My coworker Annie says that I shouldn't worry about what I want this to be (especially since I'm not sure) but should just let it be. And invite him to do something with me. Annie is very wise, not unlike my mom, so I'm trying to listen. Thus Adam now has an invitation to pub trivia, and a vague "we should get together and play my favorite word game sometime" proposition. Should I do more? Might as well weigh in on this since you get to pick dates for me too. (I know that there aren't a hoard of people reading this, but I like to pretend.)

So there's my update. Sorry I'm not doing any of the things I originally set out to do. I might try again when things are less busy. I hope you all enjoyed Thanksgiving, and that you ate yourself out of your pants. And I hope to be better than before and post again well before Christmas.

I'm Still Here

I am not yet a good blogger. Not used to having that implicit commitment to write new things. So I'm sorry I haven't posted in nearly a month (to the two of you who read this), and promise to work on something over the holiday weekend while in Nowheresburg, MA.

The Last True Gentleman?

Hello! So I have a conundrum folks. I never seem to realize when someone is making a pass at me, unless it is of the kind that is so obvious as to be ridiculous. I mean, I don't think it happens very often, at least not that I've noticed, but there have been a couple of times where it'll hit me a couple of days after the event that I might have inadvertently dodged a pickup attempt. And I am in no situation to let viable offers just slip away! I worry about this now, because I think it may be happening again.

When I first moved to New York, I met someone who went to my University, but left just before I got there. He's in the same profession as me and is a cool guy, so we had a lot to talk about and became friends. Not close friends, but more of the "hey it's been months since I've talked to Adam, I wonder if he wants to grab a drink?" type of friend. Over the summer he threw some work my way, and we went out to dinner (wine and dessert as well). He paid (though I offered to go dutch), because he said I saved him from a lot of work, and thus he wanted to thank me. Super sweet right? And then he offered to walk me home. I was a block from my apartment and it was maybe 9pm. And he lived a block in the other direction and uptown a bit. So it made me wonder, is he interested in me? He had had a girlfriend for a long time previously, but had broken up because it became long distance. I like to think I'm attractive and mostly fun to be around, so it's not totally out of the question, but did I read too much into it? Maybe his Momma just raised him right!

Okay, so time passes and both our schedules got crowded, so we didn't meet up again until earlier this week. Dinner and then coffee at a neighborhood place. But dinner could not have been in a tinier, more lowly lit setting. And then he walked me to the subway. And he lives in the other direction. And it was definitely not later than 8:15pm. Both times, just a hug goodbye, and no look for more than that that I could see. So, it makes me wonder if I am mistaking his gentlemanliness for romantic interest. Have I just never been out with a genuinely well-mannered man? That is a sad sad thought. There must be hundreds of Goofuses for every Gallant. I think it's probably a safe bet that in Manhattan the ratio might be even more skewed in favor of the former. I think it's a prerequisite to work at any top finance firm. I would love to hear tales of gentlemen, or even (gasp!) chivalry, to counter my jaded single New Yorker view; so if you have 'em, send 'em along!